She has never experienced something so wonderful it feels like magic.
But she knows it was more than that. It was something undefined. It was something more. There was no word for it. Surely, there was none. Even supercalifragilisticexpialidocious couldn’t satisfy the depth of its meaning.
It wasn’t enough to write it down in words. To explain every moment her heart skipped a beat. The English Language just didn’t have enough words because this feeling is more than all its worth.
But she took her tablet and laid it down on her lap because she wanted to lay down her emotions on blank spaces.She was clueless, she didn’t know what to scribble. But she knew there was something…
Something she should know.
And maybe everything would start to untangle once these are all written.
But there was one thing she knew.
She wanted to write a letter.
A letter to a person who made her feel that way.
It was odd…he was her best friend. She knew it occurred at around the middle of the school year. She thought “Oh, maybe it’s because we’re getting closer.” But she still thought something…..something wasn’t right. There has to be. You don’t get “that” close. You don’t “want” to get that close.
But she became interested. “Too” interested…she believed. And years have passed but the feeling remained. She never bothered to mind it, but she could never ignore the fact that it was something else. Then she concluded, maybe she’s in love?
She pondered holding on tight to the tablet, maybe hoping it would give her answers she could never ask nor provide. She knew it when it happened to people, but never to herself.
She took a deep breath, it’s time to write to her best friend.
Dear Friend,
Hey! How long has it been when we first met? No offence but I never really expected we’d be this close. I mean…you were like weird and me? Well, I was a shy girl. No way would I interact with other people, especially you. But when our seats were right next to each other you got me hooked. You made me irritated of you, made me smile and realize how silly you are but I couldn’t stop myself and it felt like there was a magnet that you hold and I was a metal and you kept on pulling me close.
You saved me from sadness…I just hope you know. All my friends growing up and changing, I wasn’t prepared for that. But you stayed by me and became my pair because well, what are brains when you just don’t have that connection and that ability to socialize? But you, you were new and you were alone too. So why not?
We became partners in victory, both frantic and nervous. Remember that time when we read a story in front of the whole class and messed up? Haha..the nerves were just choking me but…you were there, weren’t you? You were standing beside me? Maybe that’s why it wasn’t so bad after all.
But there were just times when you realize things until it’s too late. Don’t we?
I hope you knew.
I hope you know.
I hope you will know.
I am madly, deeply,head over heels for you. I don’t even know if this is grammatically correct but who cares? When that’s how I feel?
But growing up changed us, growing up changed me. And I started to fall deeper to a pit you never intended to make for me. And I don’t understand…yet I really know,because I am afraid of what the future holds.
What if I don’t stop loving you?
What if you don’t like me?
What if you will never know because I’m too afraid to tell you?
Realizing what this feeling was was already hard. I never knew the future holds more of what I fear.
Are you afraid too?
Well, maybe not because who would love their best friend?
Who would fall for me?
Sadly,
Your Secret Lover
She reread and reread and reread the letter 7 times or who knows how many. But she never quite had the courage to send it to him anonymously. She knew she had to bare with the consequences of choosing to keep her mouth shut.But as she sat there at her couch with Kleenex by her side, guilt started to build up.
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